Finding New Things to Wake up for


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bettydays:

I have a story.

So my sister got run over by a car once. It was a pretty big deal. Well like a year later she got into a little fender bender and was really bent out of shape about it, so I went and got her a cake. 

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When I put in my order for the cake, the guy at the bakery asked, “Do you want it to say anything?”

And with a perfectly straight face, I said, “‘Sorry you got hit by a car again.’”

He narrowed his eyes a moment, then nodded and wrote it down, and took it to kitchen to get the writing done.

All the way from the back of the kitchen, I hear a woman shout, “‘Again’?!”

Source: toocooltobehipster

tohavescarlessskin:

I’m sorry

tohavescarlessskin:

I’m sorry

Source: tohavescarlessskin

fuckyeahdaddies:

Loads of Daddies at Fuck Yeah Daddies.Click Here to Follow Fuck Yeah Daddies.

fuckyeahdaddies:

Loads of Daddies at Fuck Yeah Daddies.

Click Here to Follow Fuck Yeah Daddies.

elegancea:

If someone calls you ‘ugly’ have a good comeback and say ‘excuse me, I am not a mirror’. 

Source: elegancea

tastefullyoffensive:

Video: Ellen’s Favorite Tweets of the Week

Source: tastefullyoffensive

Hahahaha

Source: trappunzelll

nintendoggy:

i dont want the d. i want the a. i want to pass this class

paprika:

maybe i should send you a bill for all my time you wasted 

Source: paprika

unitedkingdomofwoe:

Margarita Cupcakes

Light and fluffy lime & tequila cupcakes with lime & tequila swiss meringue buttercream!

My favourite cocktail in cupcake form, yum!

Click here for my recipe

Source: lsthatpaulrudd

shmapey:

justmyflawedlogic:

lokisgloriouspenis:

okay today i learned that apparently the penis has a say in whether or not a child will be a boy or a girl

female sperm swims slower than male sperm, but the males can’t swim for as long as the females. this means that a long penis will be closer to the egg when releasing the sperm, and there will be a higher chance for the child to be a boy.

so in conclusion

if you have a lot of sons you have a big dick

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THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE POST

Source: leethepace

ruinsofgallifrey:

geeko-spfx:

deletedthesun:

geeko-spfx:

my life before i turned 18:

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my life after i turned 18:

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Um, the legal drinking age is 21

Um, i live in the uk?

americans

Source: geeko-spfx

Source: socialdissociation