I love puns.
You can tell there’s an issue
When there are kids
Who would rather
Go to the hospital
Than go to school.
This cannot be rebloged enough
wanna know what a cow looks like washed and blow dried?
that is what a cow looks like washed and blow dried
this is so unnecessary i want 12
our friend noah
almost got mugged today
they were like “give us your money”
and he literally was like “no thanks?” and WALKED AWAY
and it worked
WHAT THE FUCK????
me and my friend were walking down the street and she had her phone in her back pocket and she felt someone take it and she immediately turned around, grabbed his arm, and said “phone.” and he just gave it back
sorry! your password must contain at least seventeen roman numerals and the entire script of shrek the third
me: *dials 911*
operator: hello 911, what’s your emergency?
me: i need someone to cuddle with, rub my back, and play with my hair
operator: someone is on their way, please stay calm
- French: This chair is feminine! "La Chaise!"
- Italian: This chair is feminine! "La sedia!"
- German: This chair is masculine! "Der Stuhl!"
- English: This chair is a fucking object, I don't see a skirt or a pair of trousers anywhere on its cold hard surface, you people are fucking insane.
- Japanese: If you don't pronounce chair exactly right, you'll end up saying testicles instead.
When I meet a friend’s friend and they leave us alone together
Guys, look! A little jiggle! You can see her skin bunch up when she moves! She looks real and healthy! And you know what else? She looks damn fab.
Yessss! She’s gorgeous!
Can this be a new thing? Please?
This needs to be on everybody’s dash
Always reblog ❤
My dream figure.
someone mentioned april fools today, and it reminded me that last year a couple of radio DJs got taken off the air and almost faced felony charges because they told their audience that the local water supply was contaminated with “Dihydrogen Monoxide” and alot of people panicked
Dihydrogen - (two hydrogen)
Monoxide - (one oxygen)
some guys almost got arrested for telling people there was water in their taps.
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